I Don’t Regret My Past Relationships, But Here’s What I’d Do Differently….
Have you ever looked back on a relationship wished you would have done things differently with him?
Have you been so in love before and wanted him so much in your life that you would do anything for him?
Well, girl you are not alone. I think when we women fall in love at a young age, we do not have enough experience in dating and relationships. We tend to make decisions based on our emotions.
Some of us can be careless when looking for love, that we forget about the most important part about the relationship. We need to love ourselves first before we go looking for love from somebody else. If we don’t, then we can end up in an endless loop of toxic relationships.
Of course not all will agree with this statement. Some women are blessed to be in a good relationship from the start. These women knew what they wanted in a relationship from the moment they started dating.
There could be several reasons as to why this happened.
Maybe these women received good guidance from close friends and family. Maybe they were surrounded by people who influenced their decisions that led them to look for good qualities in a partner and understand what it takes to make a relationship work.
Lastly, and what I believe to be the most important, maybe they were taught that you have love yourself first before you can love someone else.
I wish I had been equipped with the knowledge mentioned above when I started dating. I may have been spared the heart aches, and devastation that happens when you choose the wrong partner.
However, many us young women let our feelings guide us and not our minds. We fall so deep in love with that person, we don’t take the time to really get to know who they really are inside.
We are looking for that special someone to fill the emptiness inside. This can cause many of us to rush into a relationship, which can ultimately lead us to the end results mentioned above.
I experienced many difficult relationships and a whole lot of heart ache, but I eventually found light at the end of the tunnel. With the end of each relationship was a new beginning, and with each new beginning I was a stronger, experienced, and knowledgeable than I had been before the last relationship.
I did not give up, settle, or compromise who I was. I learned from my previous relationships and kept my standards high, as should every woman.
Today I am living life to the fullest because every day is a gift. By not compromising who I was and learning from my past mistakes, I finally met the man I am spending the rest of my life with.
Below is a list of five things I would have done differently in my past relationships.
Hopefully, you can use this as a guide if you are dating now or are currently in a relationship.
1. Don’t go looking for love in the bars or clubs.
When I was in my first year of high-school, there was a guy who stood up in the middle of the class and shouted out loud “Rosanna is the ugliest girl in this class!” From that moment, my self-esteem was crippled.
I felt so devastated and didn’t want to go to school anymore. I became a shy girl with very low self-esteem.
When I started dating at 21 years old, I went clubbing to meet new guys. I thought it was a good idea and somehow it made me feel happy. I enjoyed the attention.
Yes, it was fun, but the relationships were short lived. Many of these guys were not looking for long term relationships.
If you are seeking a serious relationship, going out to the bars and clubs are not the ideal place to get started, especially if you have low self-esteem.
If you think you have very low self-esteem, develop ways to build your confidence. Love yourself first and don’t go looking for love from somebody else, especially in a place like this.
Once you’ve learned to love yourself first, you’ll have the confidence you need to look for that special someone who can love you back. I promise you, the universe will attract the right man for you and it will come surprisingly at the best time and at the best place. Be patient.
Related Post: 9 BEST PRACTICES FOR FINDING YOUR INNER CONFIDENCE
2. Keep your standards high and don’t compromise.
I have learned that we should never settle for less, just to have someone in our life. There is nothing wrong with keeping your standards high. Know that you are worth it and no one should ever treat you badly in a relationship.
Ask yourself these questions before you start dating or commit in a relationship.
What do I don’t want in a relationship? How do I want to be treated? What kind of man do I want?
Concentrate and focus on what you don’t want in a relationship, rather than what you want. Sometimes it’s too easy to focus what we want out of a relationship, because honestly who wants to focus on the negative things in life.
I am not saying you should go looking for the perfect one! No one is perfect, everybody has their weakness and imperfections. However, if you know your standards, this will be able to help and guide you in the right direction for the relationship you desire.
Related Post: 20 WARNING SIGNS THAT YOU’RE DATING THE WRONG MAN
3. Focus more on the personality than just looks.
Yes, many of us want a good looking guy, but don’t let that be the only deciding factor for getting into a relationship. Will it be worth it if that handsome guy you are in a relationship with is treating you badly?
If he is a cheater, never takes you seriously, never considers you a priority, and only using you for his own pleasure. Is this what you want? Will you be happier with this kind of man? At the end of the day, the decision is yours to make.
Unfortunately, I fell prey to the qualities mentioned above in my early dating years. Don’t be like this, a good personality is very important. Yes, there has to be some physical attraction, but don’t let that be the deciding factor when entering into a relationship.
4. Be yourself – Try not to dress to impress.
You may have heard something to the effect that it’s the clothes that make the person, but I tend to disagree with this. I tend to go against the grain on this one.
This is one area I wish I did differently. When I started dating, I always pretended to be somebody else. I always dressed to impress. I did this in an attempt to hide my low self-esteem. I tried very hard to act like I’m somebody that I wasn’t.
Even though I changed how I looked on the outside, I still felt the same on the inside. That scared little girl in high school.
Remember, just be yourself. Be confident with who you are.
Guys will take notice. You may be surprised how many guys will be interested in you for just being who you are. Also, this is the best way to find out if the guy really likes you and will want to accept you for who you are.
Some men are intimidated by a woman with confidence. If you happen to meet one, just keep on walking. If he doesn’t like how your looks are and how you dress, it’s okay.
Don’t feel bad and don’t feel devastated. That’s only an indication that you two are not a match for each other! Time to move on and keep looking out after yourself.
You are worth it. You are confident. You are strong.You are worth it. You are confident. You are strong. Click to Tweet
I’m not saying you should dress poorly when you go out dating! Of course, we still want to prepare for our dates and look nice. What I mean here is just don’t try too hard to dress to impress and act like somebody else. Be yourself!
5. Choose someone who would value your worth.
Are you in a relationship right now where you feel like you are being neglected and disrespected? Does he not fight for you? Does he not value your worth or simply just doesn’t show any effort that you are his priority?
Why am I asking this? Because I was once in a relationship like this, and I know how it feels. I didn’t want to be trapped in that kind of relationship for the rest of my life, so I changed the cycle and did things differently.
Yes, it is hard moving on and changing the cycle is never easy. It takes a lot of time, acceptance, and healing. However, when you get there, you’ll find it’s the best decision and investment you can give to yourself and to your next relationship.
So there you go. These are the things I wish I did differently when I started dating and committing to a relationship.
Before I met my best friend in life and now my husband, I went through a lot of challenges. I eventually healed and accepted myself for who I am. Most importantly, I accepted the fact that I was partly to blame in my previous failed relationships. I am not placing full blame on all my previous partners. There are things I could have done differently, but the past is the past. I can’t go back and change it, but I can learn from it.
Always remember, YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!