Culture aside from being described as arts, is the customs of a particular group or country or the easiest meaning – it is the way of life. While Religion is a worship and belief- a faith.
I am a good daughter and a wife- a follower.
The society where I came from has (mostly) patriarchal form of family. Husband think they must govern and must be followed by all members of the family.
Wives must obey. Of course, we are taught to respect so we do and it is taught in the Bible. Since I grew up seeing my mother who has the longest patience to my father, it is instilled in my mind that being hurt is part of imperfect families it is normal.
Added were stories I have heard from my neighbors or family friends who have the same life with my mother.
When I got married, I eventually become like my lovely mother, nope, I was not lovely as she was but having unfaithful spouse, we have the same fate. Of course, she was there to comfort me and she said, ” do not mind his infidelities, just continue to be a good wife and always think of your children”. Just look at me, because of you and your siblings, I never leave your father”.
Yes, I followed my mother’s advice because in my mind, I am a good wife and I should not revenge nor leave him and most of all, I love my children.
My sufferings are part of life and it is normal. So I even if cried deeply for the pain and hurt caused by emotional and domestic abuse, I kept in myself and for 20 years. So when the ex-husband left, what a relief! There was a pain but not much and not worth to cry gallons of tears.
Culture and Religion, what are the effects on me as a separated woman
Why your country does not have Divorce? a question often asked to me by most people I met here. My answer is simple- we are country of 90% are Catholic and according to the Bible, what God has united, let there be no man can destroy.
So the Divorce Bill Authors are having a hard time to have it approved to make it as a Law in the Family Code of the Philippines.
The saddest part is the advice you received mostly from your family- to live with this unjust domestic violence in the name of God.
They added, God crucified in the cross and there is no reason you cannot bear the pain.
Honestly, I felt hopeless whenever I am thinking how can I file a Divorce when it is very expensive. Worst, if you are aiming to be single again, most of the people in the community will say – ” You found someone new that is why you want to have total freedom from your ex”.
See, the people around talks about you, and I cannot imagine myself catching my last breath still carrying his surname. When I became a widow last July 2018, there was a mixed emotions. And, I will no longer detail to you as I know you know it.
Me and now
Thailand where I considered my second home is a religious country too. They go to the temples to offer gifts and say their prayers. They have celebrations too honoring their Buddha however, culture, religion and government respect each other here.
If your husband is abusing you, then go to the court and file a Divorce. For them, happiness is important to humans. Do what makes you happy as long as you are not hurting others, and people here will not judge you.
Now that I am a mother too, I will not ever let my daughter experience the abuses I had.
Misunderstandings is normal in a family but domestic violence is not acceptable.
I am a believer and I am proud with some of our culture, yet I will still choose loving myself. I still have patience, understanding and willing to sacrifice but only to a person who will treat me right.
Are you suffering now from abuses of your partner? Remember and realize this- God wants His children to be happy and not to suffer.